Not Hardcore, Just Anxiety


Three days a week I get up at 4:00 in the morning to go to the gym. A few people have told me I’m hardcore. Believe me, it has nothing to do with being hardcore and everything to do with anxiety.

I got a gym membership two or three years ago. I went when I could, but finally realized the only way I’d be able to go on a regular basis, which is what I wanted, would be to get up early and go before the kids woke up in the morning. So I started going right when the gym opened at 5:00. Surprisingly, there were usually a lot of other people getting there at the same time. Then, last summer, it turned into a twenty-four-hour gym. That’s when I started going at 4:00.

It’s not because I’m hardcore and intensely working out all morning. I go that early because there aren’t many other people there. Sometimes, I’m the only one—at least for a little while. I hate being at the gym when it’s crowded. It gives me extreme anxiety. Just thinking about it right now is making it hard for me to breathe. Oh, and when I get home, usually a little after 5:00, I shower and then go back to bed for an hour. See? Not hardcore, not badass. Just anxiety.

That is what anxiety will do to you. It will make you get up ridiculously early just to avoid something that causes anxiety, nervousness, stress, feeling uneasy. Because yes, I would rather get up early, I would rather lose out on some sleep and be tired during the day than be at the gym when it’s crowded. And 5:00 is usually when it starts to get crowded. Pure and simple. There it is.

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