Dreamer

I am a dreamer. Always have been. There are so many quotes about accomplishing your dreams, so many people who will tell you it’s possible. The dreamer in me wanted to believe it. But most of my life I really haven’t. The only dream that ever came true was falling in love and marrying that person. And look how that turned out.

Spring is creeping upon the land where I live. Trees are budding with blossoms and leaves. Life is renewed. The scent, the sun, the song tugs at my soul. I see all the things I wish I could do and be, but can’t and am not. I can see how depression and anxiety hold me back from so many of those things – why, instead of taking advantage of the nice weather to bask in the glorious sunlight, I stay curled up in a ball on my couch like a frightened kitten. But I also see how I lack the means.

I used to tell myself, “Later.” Later, I would go out and conquer the world. Later I would do all the things I wanted to do. Well, later has come and gone, and I’m still so small and full of dreams un-lived. I love the warmer weather, the sun that stays up longer and the return of beautiful nature, but I also am saddened at the way it stirs my soul, when I feel there is nothing I can do about it.

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