What Is a Panic Attack?

What is a panic attack? The Mayo Clinic says, “A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause.” It also states, “Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you’re losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.” I can attest to the fact that panic attacks are incredibly frightening and crippling. It’s more than just a “sense” of panic or nervousness. It’s completely disabling and can cause side effects such as:

  • Sense of impending doom or danger
  • Fear of loss of control or death
  • Rapid, pounding heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Shortness of breath or tightness in your throat
  • Chills
  • Hot flashes
  • Nausea
  • Abdominal cramping
  • Chest pain
  • Headache
  • Dizziness, lightheadedness or faintness
  • Numbness or tingling sensation
  • Feeling of unreality or detachment
  • Sense of impending doom or danger

As you can see, there are actual physical side effects that can come with a panic attack—things that are completely out of your control.

So what does a panic attack look like? That’s sort of a trick question because a panic attack isn’t always something that can be seen. Panic attacks are different for everyone. I have even experienced them differently. My anxiety really started getting bad after my first baby was born. I remember having several panic attacks when she was a toddler. There were times we were sitting on the couch, watching TV together, when my stomach would start cramping and my mind would start reeling, thinking about things that increased my anxiety, and I’d have a panic attack. I was conscious, but everything around me seemed to fade out and I became completely unaware of my surroundings. At least a couple of times I came out of it from my daughter saying “Mommy, Mommy” over and over again in front of my face. I’d snap out of it with no idea how long I’d been like that or how long she had been saying my name. The most frightening thing about it was knowing that she could have walked out the door and down the street, and I would have had no idea. To anyone looking on, it would have looked like I was just sitting there, watching TV, when really I was feeling incredible physical and emotional pain.

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Panic attacks, for me, have now become more physical. I generally get stomach pain, like horrible cramps that often go into my back, neck, shoulders, and I hyperventilate, sometimes to the point of barely being able to breathe and nearly blacking out/passing out. It is horrible. It is scary. It is absolute darkness and complete loneliness. You do, sometimes, feel like you’re going to die. Either that, or you’re hoping you do it’s so bad.

Sometimes I have smaller panic attacks that I’m able to get control of before they get that bad. I’ve had them at work, and no one has noticed. I even had one over the weekend. Some coworkers and I went on a little retreat/workshop together. We stopped at a grocery store to get a few things. Some of them waited in the car, but I needed to use the restroom so I went in with a couple of them. This grocery store requires masks, so I put mine on until I got to the restroom where I pulled it down. I put it up going back into the store as I walked around with the other two women. However, my stomach started hurting and it became very difficult to breathe. I kept telling myself I had to get out of there or I was going to die, but I didn’t want to be rude so I kept walking around the store with them, having a panic attack they were completely unaware of. I finally did excuse myself when they were going to buy the food we’d picked out because I knew before long I’d be on the floor, crying and completely hyperventilating.

I haven’t yet had a noticeable panic attack in public—at least as far as I know, but I fear it happening, especially when school/my job starts back up, and I’m supposed to wear a mask all day. Just thinking about having a panic attack in front of my coworkers or complete strangers is almost enough to make me have one. How would they react? What would people think and say? This is the kind of debilitating fear we live with. And right now, as people who don’t fit the mold or fit inside that perfect, tidy little box we’re expected to comply to, it is even worse. But it’s helpful to remember that there are things that can help. Breathing is huge. It’s hard to remember or do when you are having a panic attack, but if you can get even, steady, deep breaths, it can help the panic attack subside. My fiance has been so good at helping me with this. I have had at least one panic attack in his presence and at least one or two when on the phone with him, and the best thing he has done is started breathing deeply for me to hear. Each time I was able to match my breathing with his and eventually came out of the panic attack. If you see someone having a panic attack this is a good way to help. Don’t tell them to breathe, just start breathing for them to hear. Focusing on something, like an image or object, can also help.

Like always, I urge kindness and understanding. The last few years it seemed we had made progress when it comes to mental illness. The last few months, however, feels like we have gone backwards and all progress has been lost. It’s hard not to feel forgotten and uncared about when people constantly question you and things like your faith or obedience or caring about others. Mental illness, anxiety and panic attacks are real and have nothing to do with faith, obedience and it certainly does not mean you are selfish and don’t care about other people. So let’s work together to make the world aware. Let’s work together to show kindness and understanding.

2 thoughts on “What Is a Panic Attack?

  1. I am perplexed. This is a blog about mental illness and it has a subtitle which says Opening a Discussion on Mental Illness. You are trying to educate others about mental illness, yet it appears you have not opened any kind of discussion with your co-workers. Why? Are you embarrassed by your mental health problem? Or are your co-workers the kind of people who will laugh at you, mock you, talk behind your back, and make your life miserable? Why do you want to hide your illness from them? Would you tell them if you had cancer? Would you tell them if you had a heart condition? Would you tell them if you had diabetes? Mental illness is a real thing, as you know. How can they ever help you if you don’t let them in on a real life problem for you? And if they are jerks, then you need a new job! Please, open up a discussion with them. You might find out they have real life problems, too. In fact, in my work there are people who struggle with depression, anxiety, diabetes, MS, CF, Celiac, high blood pressure, etc.
    Do you know anything about exposure therapy? There is a lot of information online. It can be very helpful for anxiety. You might benefit from it. Look into it. But please, open a dialogue with your co-workers. Let them be your friends. And if they are jerks, who needs them?

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    • Michelle, as a matter of fact I have talked with my coworkers about it. We’ve had several discussions on the matter, and they are the most amazing coworkers ever! I absolutely love them and the love and support we give each other. My leaving the store had nothing to do with embarrassment. Anyone who has ever had a panic attack knows just how crippling they are, not just when you’re having one, but for long after. If I can avoid having a panic attack, you better believe I’m going to! And yes, I do know a lot about exposure therapy. Like every other kind of “medicine” for mental illness, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Just because it works for one person doesn’t mean it works for everyone. Also, one of the most important things I’ve come to learn about mental illness is that it, like any other kind of illness, is personal. If you don’t want to talk about it, you shouldn’t have to and anyone who tries to pressure you into it is not a good person and is not looking out for your best interest. I know some people who had cancer who chose not to tell even the people closest to them. That was their right, and I completely respect that. There was a time, someone in my life told other people about my mental illness without my consent and it was devastating for me and for our relationship. The only time someone should talk about mental illness is when they want to. I have come to a point in my life where I want, where I am super open about it. That’s why I started this blog, and that is why I do speak to people–co-workers, neighbors, friends, family and even strangers about it.

      Liked by 1 person

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