Some Things About Depression

First off, depression sucks. It’s dark, it’s cold, it’s blinding. It’s like a wet, soggy blanket constantly weighing you down. It’s shame and worthlessness. It sucks.

I’ve come to know depression well in my life. I was first diagnosed as a sixteen-year-old, but when I look back at my life I think it started as a small child. There were times the depression left, where I was good and depression-free, even for years, but when it came back in the form of postpartum depression over fifteen years ago it never really left me.

Some people refuse to believe they have any form of mental illness. Or they acknowledge it, but use it as an excuse. I know I have it and can recognize the symptoms in myself most of the time. Unfortunately, depression often skews our perspective. It can make us believe we’re doing things we’re not, that we’re focusing on things we’re not and vice versa. It can even make us believe things aren’t as bad as they really are. I’ve had someone point it out to me, and I’ve also been able to see it in others.

One of the worst things about depression is that is can cause us to be selfish. Not in a narcissistic way, if that makes sense. We just tend to focus on our own struggles or needs we don’t feel are being met, rather than thinking of other’s struggles or whether their needs are being met. I saw it in myself the past couple of days, and I feel ashamed. It’s not that I don’t matter. I do, and I do need to try to help myself and do what I can to get myself out of this pit I’m in. But I can also think of others and do better to remember how much they matter too.

It might be more difficult to remember or recognize these things in the midst of sucky depression, but it is possible. And it is always possible to do better.

3 thoughts on “Some Things About Depression

  1. Remember to give yourself peace. If you see a behavior you don’t like, alter it but don’t beat yourself up over what’s past (ie shame). Something I need to frequently remind myself. Have you looked into ketamine treatment or joining some sort of psilocybin study? I keep reading how effective hallucinogens are at knocking out depression at least for a couple of months.

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  2. It’s hard to reach out of yourself when you are depressed, and I do agree that thinking of others can be a bit of antidote, or maybe it’s more like it can give you a bit of hope. It’s hard because pushing yourself too hard to do anything can backfire and make you feel worse though.

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  3. You know, my own experience leads me to believe that we worry far too much about others and their needs, and far too little about ourselves and our needs. And that’ s one of the reasons we are depressed (if not the main reason). So if you ask me, don’t worry too much about being selfish 🙂

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