So often, lately, my mind has been plagued by all the things I “should” be doing. I end up feeling terrible about myself because I’m not doing enough. But I’ve decided to try focusing on what I am doing and be okay with things that I feel I “need” even if they aren’t what I “should” do.
One of the things that I condemn myself for the most is being a bad mom. I tell myself I should be spending every spare second with my kids—teaching them, helping them with their homework, playing with them. I don’t spend every second doing that, but I do spend some time doing it. My daughter wanted me to help her with her English homework the other day. It was something she probably could have done on her own, but I helped her with it anyway, just so we could spend some time together—and because English is one thing I actually can help her with!
I surprised my son by checking him out of school and taking him out to lunch so we could have a little one-on-one time.
My step-daughter sat next to me during scripture study one night. It made me so happy! I feel like I’ve been struggling to cultivate a personal relationship with her, so the fact that she wanted to sit by me meant so much. I could beat myself up for not doing more or not trying harder, but instead I’m focusing on the fact that I’m doing good things—I must be or she wouldn’t have wanted to sit by me.
Another thing I’m learning to be okay with is relaxing after the kids go to bed. Most nights my husband and I grab some popcorn or some kind of treat and watch a sitcom on Netflix of Prime. For the longest time I would sit there feeling guilty—because I should be cleaning my room instead, or I should be doing the dishes. There were many things I felt I should be doing instead. But I realized that I need that time. Winter is so incredibly hard for me. By the time the kids are in bed I feel so overwhelmed. It’s constant go-go-go! from 5:30 in the morning until almost 10:00 at night. Taking a little time to relax and laugh is good for me! It is self-care. I’ve tried not to feel guilty about it the last few nights. I’ve tried to completely enjoy it and feel good that I’m doing something I need. My husband even said he had the thought that realizing self-care/relaxing is actually something we should be doing might help us enjoy it. And we should enjoy it. We do need it.
I think we all are hard on ourselves and we all have those times we beat ourselves up for not doing what we “should” be doing. But you are doing good things. Remember that. Focus on that. And do something good for yourself, too.