The end of Daylight Savings Time is the beginning of winter hell for me. The cold, short days and long, long dark nights always increase depression and anxiety.
Last week wasn’t so bad because we were on a family vacation at Disneyland. The first couple of days were rainy, but otherwise the weather was absolutely perfect. And I love being at Disneyland with my kids! It was also the first time my husband had been in a very long time, so it was fun to share with him. It was one of the best, most fun vacations I’ve ever been on. Coming home to mid-winter temperatures, cloudy skies and inversion was pretty depressing. I feel like I’ve been on the edge of a panic attack most of the week.
A few days ago I got an email from my son’s elementary school with a sign-up to help supervise kids at lunch while they signed a big Thank You banner for the teachers for Thanksgiving. I went back and forth for a long time about whether to sign up or not. I have enjoyed being able to volunteer the past year, as I stay at home now, but was worried about my anxiety. I finally forced myself to sign up, believing it would be good for me. Sometimes we have to push through the anxiety.
However, I had anxiety about that decision in the days after. I kept getting online to view my sign-up, almost canceling. I just about had a panic attack about it yesterday. Then I reminded myself how I’ve really enjoyed every time I’ve gone to the school to volunteer. I again told myself this was a time I needed to push through the anxiety.
I was nervous when I woke up this morning and got ready, but I went to the school, and everything went great! I’m glad I got to see the kids, talk with other moms and say hi to my son.
I recently posted that sometimes it’s okay to avoid things that give you anxiety. I do believe that. I also believe that sometimes it’s best to face it and push through it because you get a wonderful end result. I think it’s about doing what feels right at the time, re-evaluating and then changing or continuing on the path that is best for you. Maybe a day will come when I feel like I can always push through the anxiety. Maybe. That day is definitely not now. So I will do what I feel is best for me and my health at the time, whether it is recognizing that something is too much to handle right now or deciding that I can, and will, be okay to do it.