Goals

I am not a goal person. In the past I’ve seen goals as a way to set myself up for failure. And failure is bad. But I’m trying to change my perspective.

In the last year I’ve discovered that I’m a perfectionist and tend to have a black and white view of myself. If I set a goal I had to achieve it perfectly. If I didn’t it meant I was a failure and that meant I was a horrible person. I could say I blame Yoda. His whole, “Do or do not, there is no try,” is really stupid. Trying is okay. Trying is worth it. Trying can be good enough. I’ve decided to look at goals through the lens of a Knight Radiant (from Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archives). One of the ideals of the Knights Radiant is, “Journey Before Destination.” Rather than expecting myself to perfectly achieve my goal I’m going to try, to do my best, and focus on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown, even if I don’t achieve or meet it perfectly.

So, being the new year, I’ve decided to set some goals for myself. I’ve divided them into three categories—mental, physical and spiritual.

I wanted my mental goal to be something that would help with my mental health and happiness, so I’m making this year the year of birding. Birding brings me joy. My goal is to go birding at least once a week for the whole year. I’m hoping this motivates me to go new places to look for new birds rather than going to the same places I always go.

My physical goal is stop eating treats, snacks and soda late at night. My husband and I enjoy relaxing together after the kids have gone to bed. This usually means watching a show or movie and eating. I gained a lot of weight, and just felt bad physically. A few months ago I actually did good at not eating late at night, and I think it helped me lose some weight and feel better about myself. So I’m going to try to do this again, and see if it helps.

My spiritual goal is to have personal scripture study every day. I tried to have a more specific goal last year, and it didn’t work out. Having something general that can include any book of scripture or conference talk (from General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and not having a specific time I have to study will help, I believe. Part of why this goal is important to me is not just to improve my relationship with God, but to be an example to my kids. We are good at having family scripture study, but that will only take them so far. I want them to have a desire to learn scriptures and religion for themselves. I want them to want a personal relationship with God. So I want to be that example to them.

While I’m trying to have a better perspective about goals and not beat myself up if I don’t do good at keeping them, I am setting them for a reason. I want to do these things that I think will help me mentally, physically and spiritually, so I asked my husband if he would help. He agreed to occasionally check up on me and my progress. I feel good moving forward. I feel good about the journey.

Have you set any goals? Is there a change in perspective that might help you along your journey? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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The Next Step

I just finished reading Rhythm of War, the fourth book in the Stormlight Archives, by Brandon Sanderson. Yes, I know I’m a bit behind, but life has been crazy the past year like life often is. It got me thinking about some of my favorite quotes and lessons I’ve learned from reading these books. There were so many good ones in the third book, Oathbringer. And yes, I’m going to share some more quotes.

“The ancient code of the Knights Radiant says ‘journey before destination.’ Some may call it a simple platitude, but it is far more. A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us.

“But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination. To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.”

I’ve always loved these words, but they especially mean a lot to me right now. I was on a good path. I was in the best place I had been in a very long time. And then everything crashed, and I found myself at rock bottom again, cut, bruised, bleeding in the bottom of a deep, dark hole, wishing I could erase the past, not knowing how to move forward.

But I can’t erase the past, and I have to move forward. In a twisted way, it seems easier to accept stopping, to accept the person I was when I fell, to tell myself I am horrible and awful and undeserving. But my journey isn’t over. I have to accept the mistakes, the stumbles and trials, knowing that I had failed and will probably fail again in the future. I have to accept that I’ve hurt others. That is part of the journey. Another part of the journey is accepting that we can do better, be better and move on. We can take the next step. Because that next step is the most important one. It may a shaky step, unsteady, awkward even. But we can take it. We are more than negative things we tell ourselves. We are the positive too. I have to believe in myself. You should believe in yourself too. Take the next step and keep moving forward. The journey means so much more when we look at all the beautiful and positive things that have happened as well.

Try Again

Today I listened to a song by Audiomachine called Try Again Tomorrow. It got me thinking about something that’s been on my mind for awhile now, and I figured it was time to finally write about it.

We’ve all heard the famous quote Yoda tells Luke Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back, right? “Do, or do not. There is no try.” I recently watched a movie on Mindfulness (another subject I’ll probably get to one of these days) that used this quote. I really love the other concepts Mindfulness teaches, and I love Yoda and Star Wars, but this quote has always sort of bugged me.

The way I look at it, if there is only doing or not doing, then there’s only success or failure, and that would mean I fail A LOT. Mental illness makes “doing” so much harder. Sometimes I don’t do, but not for lack of trying. Really, trying is an act of doing, isn’t it? I’m sure we all also know the proverb, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Today I tried getting my son to play a board or card game with me. He didn’t want to. But the fact that I was even able to motivate myself enough to try was huge! I’ve been in a very bad place lately. My depression, anxiety and OCD have all been extremely debilitating. I’ve retreated to getting lost in books or watching shows on my computer, leaving my son to play games on his tablet all afternoon. I feel horrible when I do that, feel like I’m being the worst mom in the world, but my mental illness is so bad, I don’t do anything about it. But today I tried, and just because I wasn’t successful, doesn’t mean I won’t be tomorrow.

And beyond that, maybe it isn’t always about succeeding or failing. Maybe it’s about the journey, the lessons, about simply living life. But that’s a whole other subject, worthy of its own post. Stay tuned . . . !