Wonder Woman

Here is a personal essay I wrote:

Wonder Woman has a great job. Top tier. Management. And she kicks ass at it!

She’s also an amazing mom—a single mom, at that. Even with work, she’s able to volunteer in her kid’s classes, go on field trips, help with homework, take them to lessons, go to performances and competitions. She’s incredibly supportive and always there for them. The rock of the family.

Wonder Woman takes care of the house, too. She cleans the bathroom, dusts the bookshelf, washes the dishes, cooks dinner, does the laundry. The house is spotless. At least, most of the time!

And the yard looks fabulous! Wonder Woman mows the huge lawn, pulls the many weeds and trims the various bushes, front, side and back.

Oh, and she even makes time for self-care. Pursues hobbies, engages in interests, relaxes here and there. She makes sure to serve and help others, too, because it makes her feel so good inside.

Wonder Woman does it all! She has it all! She is Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman must exist. It’s who everyone builds their expectations off of, right? Maybe there is a single mom out there who is able to do absolutely everything all on her own and still be strong and happy.

I am not Wonder Woman.

So the next time you ask me if I’ve gotten a job yet (because it’s usually the first thing everyone asks), the answer is still no. My worth is not determined on my ability to solely provide for my kids. And they need me more than a job needs me. I need them more than any of us need me to have a job.

My kids help around the house, and we do our best, but most days the kitchen is dirty, dishes are piled in the sink, my bed is littered with odds and ends and there is dust settled on the bookshelf.

The next time you go past my yard and see how out of control it is don’t think it’s because I don’t care. I do. I do as much as I can before my chronic pain becomes unbearable. Sometimes I can mow the whole, big lawn. Sometimes I can only pull a few weeds. And then I stand beneath the hot water in the shower and cry—at the pain and the feeling of failing.

Every once in a while, I take time for myself. It’s not easy to find, but I have to. Not because I’m lazy, but because I know what it’s like to be trapped in the chains of depression and despair. I have to do what I can to keep my mental health strong so I can keep being there for my kids. They deserve a mom who is happy and healthy. I deserve to be happy and healthy.

Wonder Woman may be out there. Maybe there are a lot of her. I am not Wonder Woman. I am just me.